We, as leaders, are conditioned to chase the big wins. We strategize for the quarterly targets, the next promotion, the game-changing acquisition. We believe our success is forged in these monumental moments of pressure and execution. We carry the weight of the grand vision, and it’s heavy.

But what if the most powerful move you can make isn’t a grand strategic decision, but a tiny, conscious choice you make at 10 AM on a Tuesday? What if the secret to profound leadership isn’t found in the dramatic, sweeping gestures, but in the quiet, consistent, and intentional choices that shape every single day?

In a world grappling with burnout, disconnection, and a workforce yearning for purpose, the old models of top-down, pressure-driven leadership are failing. People don’t just want a paycheck; they want to feel seen, to believe their work matters, and to connect with the people they work alongside.

This isn’t a soft skill; it's the essential skill for modern leadership. This is for the leader who feels the pull between driving results and nurturing their team’s well-being. It’s for the manager who wants to build a culture of trust and psychological safety, but doesn’t know where to start. The answer lies in shifting our focus from commanding outcomes to cultivating the conditions for success, one choice at a time.

Choosing Your Life (and Leadership)

The brilliant positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, in his book “Choose the Life You Want,” offers a transformative insight: a happy and meaningful life isn't the result of a lottery win or a single perfect decision. It is the cumulative effect of 101 small, deliberate choices.

Think of your leadership, your team, or your entire organization as a massive ship. You, the leader, are at the helm. It’s easy to think you need a hurricane-force wind (a huge initiative) to change course. But Ben-Shahar’s wisdom shows us the real power is in the rudder. A tiny, almost effortless adjustment to the rudder, held consistently, will steer the entire ship to a completely new destination. These daily choices are your rudder. They are small, but their directional power is immense.

Practical Application

Translating this insight into leadership practice doesn't require a new budget or a corporate off-site. It requires intention. Here are three powerful choices, inspired by Ben-Shahar's work, that you can make today to begin steering your ship toward connection, clarity, and empathy.

• 1. The Choice: Curiosity Over Judgment
• The Default: A team member misses a deadline, and our mind instantly jumps to judgment: “They’re unreliable. They’re not committed.”
• The Intentional Choice: We pause that internal narrative and choose curiosity instead. We approach the person with a genuine desire to understand.
• How to Apply It: Instead of asking, “Why is this late?”, ask, “I noticed the deadline slipped. Is everything okay? What obstacles are you running into?” This single shift replaces accusation with connection and opens the door to real problem-solving.
• 2. The Choice: Meaning Over Autopilot
• The Default: We assign tasks and manage projects. We're on an autopilot of "what" needs to be done and "when."
• The Intentional Choice: We choose to connect the work, no matter how small, to a larger purpose. We provide clarity on the "why."
• How to Apply It: Before delegating, take 30 seconds to explain the impact. Instead of, “Please run these numbers,” try, “Could you please run these numbers? Your analysis will help us understand our client’s core challenge, which is the key to renewing our partnership.” This connects effort to devotion.
• 3. The Choice: Appreciation Over Oversight
• The Default: Our eyes are trained to spot errors. We scan for what’s wrong, what needs fixing, what’s off-track.
• The Intentional Choice: We deliberately train our eyes to see what is going right and who is making it happen.
• How to Apply It: End your day by sending one specific, heartfelt note of appreciation. Not a generic “good job,” but a detailed acknowledgment. “Sarah, I was so impressed by the way you handled that difficult client question today. Your calm and empathetic approach turned a tense situation into a productive one. Thank you.” This builds a foundation of psychological safety and shows your team you see them.

Leadership isn’t another item on your to-do list. It’s not about adding more work; it’s about changing the nature of your work. It’s about understanding that every interaction is a choice. You can choose to create pressure, or you can choose to create connection. You can choose to demand, or you can choose to empower.

These small adjustments to your rudder—choosing curiosity, meaning, and appreciation—will not feel dramatic in the moment. But over time, they will steer you and your team toward a destination of trust, resilience, and deep fulfillment.

So, my question to you is this: What one small, intentional choice will you make today to steer toward connection, clarity, and empathy?

Recommended Reading:

• Choose the Life You Want by Tal Ben-Shahar
• Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
• Start with Why by Simon Sinek